i've been tagged! joy!

hello everyone. good lord, it's been over a month since i last posted stuff on here! well i'm sure none of you are surprised by this news: GRAD SCHOOL IS INSANE. and keeps me busy. and even though i love every minute of it, fuck it's stressful/crazy/intense/hard as hell. there's a lot of things i've been up to lately so even though i had plans to post a pictures blog, i'll try to do that later and just move to handy bullet point format to get all this info out:

-- ive been tagged by cheryl, which is awesome! thank you! i will post my "6 things i love" later in the day because 1) this post is going to be long enough already and 2) if i dont do it today i might not get to it for a while. so that is forthcoming! posthaste!

- the weather here is GORGEOUS. i mean utterly beautiful fall color cold awesome. Kem pugh is visiting me this wkend (well she just left this morning) and we had a BLast-- but back to my weather thing-- on friday when she was here we were really hot and had to wear t shirts and jeans (it was like 78) yesterday it was 60s something, last night it was in the 40s and today its in the what, low 60s? its always colder in my cottage b/c i'm in the woods and right now i have the window open so the sunshine can pour in and i can hear the birds but i have to say, my toes are CHILLY!

- i decided to get a new birth control (Merina, it lasts 5 years and is AMAZING omg just ask me about it) and get off my anti anxiety meds at the same time a couple weeks ago, which was a BAD IDEA. all that at once-- am i insane?! the anxiety meds were making me sleep like insanely (14 hrs a night and still tired) so while i feel like myself again (esp. on this new birth control) i didnt really do the math and think, "even though i'm not really a super anxious person to need this medicine all the time, maybe staying on it in the middle of the most stressful situation ever would be smart" noooo i didnt even think it! so to say im stressed is an understatement. i'm contemplating going back on it but...well...you know, you never WANT to be dependent on pills of any kind, you know? and i know i really dont need them REALLY, but...
unfortunately this has brought out 2 of my worst coping mechanisms: shopping/buying stuff and eating. i have spent so much $ on random crap for myself that i told my parents i didnt want xmas/bday presents this year b/c i bought all the stuff i wanted. this is RIDICULOUS, especially knowing that i am a BROKE college student and all this $ i'm spending are LOANS but for some reason i just cant help it. i do, however, have a really cute new wardrobe for the winter (which i needed! and everything was on the sale rack at Gap or from h&m!)...
and the eating thing? i dont even know what to do about that. i'd love to claim being pregnant like chandra (well ok not really, that would screw up my life plan right now), but really i am just stressed out so i eat a ton of whatever it is that's in front of me (usually pasta b/c im cheap and its easy to make). i barely even taste it anymore! it's just a diversion from all the reading/work/paper writing/etc etc. has anyone ever conquered this bad habit? someone help! i'm definitely not getting skinnier and while i'm pretty good at being happy with my weight this is getting out of hand. i feel like a hippo. help!

- my birthday and halloween were awesome (pls refer to facebook and/or myspace for pics). i went as me circa prom may 2005 (thank god the dress still fit!), my friends looked awesome and one friend (a boy, which makes it funnier) went as ME. weird? yes. a lil' awkward? TOTALLY. but funny? fuck yes! hilarious.

- i met my landlady (she had to come here to put some stuff in the attic) and that was crazytown. she is totally batshit insane but in a nice way-- she kept telling me i had so much positive energy that negated the negative energy that was left by the previous tenant (?). she thought i was awesome (as does everyone) so thats cool, but she's def. a little weird. luckily since we're apparently BFFs now i can be like "hey i dont get my student loans until mid Feb. so can i pay rent for the semester then?" and hope she will be cool with it (she might be? maybe?)

-- shit it's already 11 am and i have SO much work to do. i had this come to jesus moment with my 2 advisors on friday when Kem was here and they were both like "work harder" which makes total sense but sends me into a tailspin of anxiety. basically i took a job at great harvest bread co (my 3rd one-- did i tell yall this already?) and they work me a LOT-- only like 12-16 hrs a week, which would normally be nothing, right? but NOT WHEN YOURE IN GRAD SCHOOL. most people in my program dont work, and if they did they've quit by now (srsly. i asked.) my prof literally told me to stop working so much b/c he could tell it's stressing me the fuck out. and even though i LOVE being at work (its fun to do, i love the product, i work with precious high school kids that are adorable, etc.) its really killing me. actually you know whats really killing me? the fact that i get $7.25 an hour. thats CRAP. i made more than that at my first Harv on 1960 and champion's forest! but they just opened and the owners still havent even taken a paycheck yet...sigh. at least theyre good people. and i get free coffee and bread and stuff like that...

-- ok my last thing that i HAVE to mention esp. b/c chandra and cheryl talked about this: the Twilight series. i am going to be dead honest here and say 1) I've never liked vampire stories, 2) i knew this was sentimental romance novel utter crap that people are freaking out over and 3) i read all of them in a week and while i understand why people love them (hell, i couldnt put the stupid things down) there is SO MUCH in there that is AWFUL. like how bella's so helpless! and she needs either a vampire or a werewolf to take care of her (and can i just say, anyone on team jacob needs a wake up call-- bella was NEVER going to end up with him! hello! who would even think that! and although jacob is awesome, who would like him better than edward! come on!). the author is Mormon and there are some Mormon overtones (unintentional im sure, but the patriarchal stuff is there, as well as the family being the eternal divine unit-- as evidenced by bella, edward and renesmee [WORST. NAME. EVER.] living together forever, etc)
SOOOO what is my point? my point is THIS IS MY NEW THESIS. yes everyone, i am dead serious. i hit a wall when researching Mormon feminism (my previous thesis topic) because i realized all the discourse on this subject had been written by Mormon (mostly former mormon, actually) feminists and what can i add to that as non-LDS (latter day saint)? what angle can i spin on that? it's possible i could come up with someone, BUT
for one of my classes (an english women's studies class) i came up with the idea of talking about Twilight and am comparing these novels to 19th century utopian literature. i dont WANT to b/c i HATE literary criticism but thats the direction im being pushed and you have to move outside your comfort zone in grad school (see? its HARD!). i told my 2 advisors about that paper and they were like, "fuck yeah that sounds awesome! seems like you got yourself a new thesis topic!" so (hypothetically, since everything is subject to change) i will be folding in my comparing Twilight to utopian literature into a broader thesis where i discuss romance novel formulas, why these books are so popular (i dont have an ultimate answer of course, but i will speculate and lean heavily on the Twilight message boards) and hopefully will answer the question many have asked, "what is a nice Mormon girl doing writing about vampires?" (answer: she turned the frightful/erotic/unknown into tame, caring, perfect beings that feed into our fantasies).


OK children! that was a lot of information. leave me comments and please, by all means, expect me to interview you about the Twilight books. xo everyone!
ps- im home for like a month from dec 15-jan 15th. get ready. chandra, i want to see a baby bump!