back from Aspen!

hello everyone, i'm back. all my summer trips have passed, been awesome, and left me more awesome but infinitely more tired (and with less money) in their wake. i got back from my aspen trip last night and realized that i have 18 more days of work until i move. insane! i am also really not into long drives in the car after driving 12 hours yesterday, but i'm sure by aug 15th i'll just be ready to go. i've been getting that stressed/omg is everything done/ahh i'm moving feeling for a while but it just got kicked up to 11 and im not even going for a few weeks! insane. i know that i can never go back to things the way they are right now (living at home, working for my dad, hanging out in spring, etc) so i'm trying to enjoy things but i'm also so ready to have my own, new life...

but enough musing, onto my aspen trip! what really can i say? it was gorgeous and incredible, my cousin jen looked radiant and had a wonderful wedding, i enjoyed seeing my entire extended family (there's only 15 of us, plus 2 new cousins) all together, aspen is incredible and incredibly gorgeous, the weather was perfect, and as i was wandering around the restaurant on top of aspen mountain i literally bumped into Antonio Banderas.

yes, yes i did. no pictures, but he stared at me for a while (the hair must have thrown him off) and his wife, Melanie, was nearby but looked totally busted with too much plastic surgery compared to the gorgeous, perfect Antonio. he was walking with his mother, and as they were trying to pick a table (the restaurant is cafeteria style) he asked her where they should sit, and she didnt answer so he started singing in this operatic voice, "it's a myyyysteryyyy!" SO CUTE. omg.

here are some pictures, for your enjoyment (the rest can be seen on facebook and myspace):

my sisters on their hike around Maroon Bells in aspen

womb buddy and myself at our "romantic" vegan dinner in aspen that was SO EXPENSIVE OMG.

note: drinking at such a high altitude such as aspen means 1 drink= druuunk.

this picture was obviously staged.

on top of aspen mountain

family photo before the wedding!

most gorgeous wedding EVER- the altar was aspen logs that the groom cut himself. so lovely!

a little drunk, very happy at the reception

comfortably numb

hello all. this is going to be a bullet-point style blog of things, because my attention span is not very large right now.
- my coworkers shooting darts in the cubicle next to me doesn't even bother me
- i am sort of spacey and numb, like i'm floating on a cloud today. there is a reason for that.
- i had a really, really, REALLY bad weekend that involved going a little crazy and a lot of crying for no reason (well there are some reasons). thank you everyone who was there for me and who listened and offered advice. it helped A LOT.
- i am lonely. i'd love to hang out with people more but it's hard-- i have so much free time and other people don't. well i just want you all to know that for anyone, anywhere, not just me-- just a friendly call, or email, to say "hi, i was thinking about you" goes a LONG way. it's something that i try really hard to remember because it can mean so much.
- my cats are great, btws. a little destructive of the house (they've broken 2 glass hurricanes that had candles in them that my mom had on the dining room table, whoops) but none the less they are great and adorable.
- no new news from grad school. i will know prob. by march 7th or so at the latest. the suspense was killing me, but not anymore.
- i have decided i need some new projects. one of them will be to take a picture of myself and 1 other thing every single day and post it up here. starting today. (in a new post)
- weight watchers is going pretty well. i didn't do so hot this wkend, but eating crazy things helped my mood so it's kinda a trade off...
- i bought a bike yesterday. and even though i put the seat all the way down, my feet still can't reach the ground. it's been so long since i'd ridden a bike that i had trouble getting started and my mom LITERALLY had to hold the handlebars and push me along like i am 4. then i started going fast down the driveway and was like "whoawhoa MOOOM whoa help!" as she laughed hysterically behind me. i need training wheels.


- ok, so let's address why nothing bothers me anymore. i decided the anxiety i've had for the past couple months (aka years) was coming to a head and i needed help. my Dr. gave me effexor yesterday and i started it then. the effects shouldn't be felt until what, like 2 weeks? but he also gave me ambien to sleep and i still feel numb because of that. not sleepy, just slow and numb. but not anxious, nor am i really unhappy, or super lonely anymore.
i was feeling anxious (shocking) about my decesion to get back on anti depressants (i was on them for about a year or so in 03-04) because of how anti depressants are stigmatized: you are either crazy so you need them, or you are overmedicating because you just need to chill out. while i agree people are way overmedicated and i dont want to feel numb, i also dont want to feel panic-y and i dont want to be that person who is always neurotic on the phone and it's like "what's the crisis for today?" you know? i hate feeling numb but i'm going to do my best to find the balance between non anxious and numb.
i'll let you know how it goes.

ps-- who reads this blog? my bff, mikey, admitted to not reading it. it made me kinda sad, because do i have much of a readership? i think there's 4 of you?